Hey guys, Matt here. I'm bringing you a short story I wrote a few years back. Now keep in mind the terminology is mostly what is used today by the men and women in the armed forces, if there are some phrases you do not understand than by all means ask away I don't mind one bit and if I cannot be reached then message Storyteller for he served with the military and has far greater knowledge than I. Now please sit back and enjoy.

  00:10, Helmand Province, Afghanistan. 04-28-2008

    I felt the Chinook tilt right as we made a turn towards the landing zone. The Crew Chief held up five fingers and shouted over the intercom "Five minutes out Marines! Get your shit squared away!" Everyone in the platoon check mags and weapons, making sure that when they pull that trigger a bullet leaves the barrel and not a malfunction. Our platoon leader First Lieutenant Chavez stood up. "Alright Marines listen up! Our objective is to take and hold the town of Garmsir! Once that's completed we're to dig in and establish a combat outpost! Now this is Haji turf and they will be defending it hard! So expect a fight Marines! This is what we fuckin trained for!" Everyone in the helo felt motivated as fuck. We were excited to hit the LZ, hell we wanted to get shot at.

    The Chinook started to hover, both Chiefs on the 240s swiveled their guns around checkin for targets. "Five seconds!" Everyone stood up and readied for the ramp to go down. Lieutenant Chavez stood at the front of the pack. "Game faces Marines, let's get this shit done!" The ramp slowly lowered, once it touched dirt the platoon rushed out. "Go go go go! Get the fuck out!" The platoon formed a 360 degree circle around the LZ, once all Marines were dismounted the helo slowly took off. I looked over to the men in my fireteam. "Eyes on those sectors Marines, stay frosty." It was quiet, the ground was covered in darkness. We flipped down our NVGs so we could see a little better, didn't really help much considering it was a starless night.

    "All Cold Steel elements check in." It was Captain McKenny. "Cold Steel One reading you five by five." "Cold Steel Two all bodies present and accounted for." "Cold Steel Three, we saw some movement heading towards the tree line at 144, I'm sending 3-2 to check it out over." "Roger Three stay frosty, Cold Steel Six out." Chavez signaled for the platoon to move forward towards a walled compound. He clicked the handset on his radio. "Six this is Two, We're moving into a compound to provide overwatch for 3-2's advance over." Staff Sarnt Hayman, Third Squad's squad leader signaled me over "Yes Staff Sarnt." "Get your fireteam on that roof once we enter the structure." "Roger that Staff Sarnt." I jogged back over to my fireteam. "Soon as we breach this bitch we're gonna set on that roof on the left corner copy." The three marines under me acknowledged in silence.

   "Breaching!" There was a loud pop as the charge on the metal gate exploded. "Well if they didn't know we were hear they sure as hell do now." First Squad moved into the compound and secured the courtyard. "Let's go 3 Charlie on me!" I lead my team into the hut on the left of the compound. Slowly we entered clearing every corner before climbing to the roof. As we were setting up our positions Cpt. McKenny came over the net. "All call signs be advised, Garmsir is clear. Looks like Haji pulled out before we landed. Dig in for the night Marines, we expect contact in the morning." From the roof we heard a lot of disappointed signs and grumbles. We were really looking forward to the fight.

Next Morning

    "Contact front! Contact front!" I quickly opened my eyes as I heard M240s and AKs being fired. "On line Marines this is the fight we were waiting for! Let's get some!" I grabbed my M-16 and helmet and dragged my ass onto the roof top. "Martinez what do we got!" "Contact at 153, just below the tree line! Oh shit!" Bullets started impacting against the walls of the compound, kicking up dirt and dust. "Jesus Christ, they got a fucking DShK." We tucked our heads down as bullets whizzed overhead and impacted against the compound. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder. "Ahh fuck!" I look to my left and there was this piece of metal sticking out of my shoulder. "God damn it! Pop smoke!" Martinez and Jurgens rolled their smoke grenades over the roof top to try and blind the DShK while I crawled off. Then another pain, this time on my left thigh followed by another right above it. "Fuck I'm hit! I'm hit!"

     Instead of crawling off like I should have I just rolled my ass off and onto the ground damn near breaking my knee. Staff Sarnt Hayman came running towards me. "Shit! Gentry you ok!" "How the fuck do you think I am!" He started wrapping some bandages around my leg. "Corpsman!" He shouted "Corpsman!" He kept his hands on my thigh trying to stop the bleeding. Doc finally managed to get his ass over to me. "Oh shit... Keep pressure on the leg." He started a tourniquet right were my leg connected to my torso. "Wrap that shit tight Doc, get me back in this." "Shut up and lay still. We need a Medevac. Now." Staff Sarnt Hayman nodded and clicked his handset "Cold Steel Six, Cold Steel Six this is Cold Steel 2-3 how copy over." There was silence for a moment as Doc wrapped a bandage around my shoulder. "Reading you Lima Charlie 2-3 send traffic over." "Six be advised we have a man down break. Multiple gunshot wounds to the left thigh and a GSW to the left shoulder break. Requesting Medevac at my position, how copy over?" Doc stabbed a needle into my thigh. "Ow!" "Shut up Gentry it's only morphine. Stop being such a pussy." "Fuck you squid."

     "Cold Steel 2-3 this is Guardian 6-1, We'll be your life savers today over." "Copy 6-1, LZ is marked by purple smoke, recommend you come in from the south." Two Marines and Doc placed me on a stretcher and readied me for transport. "6-1 is on the deck." "Let's go, let's go!" They all ran to the Helo and loaded me into the back. "Take care of him!" The crew chief nodded before closing the door. "Guardian 6-1 exiting the AO now inbound to Role 3." Two PJs looked me over, checking to see if I was still bleeding. One of them injected some ketamine while the other hooked me up to an IV. Slowly I started to pass out. All I can remember was a voice saying "Take it easy brother, we're almost there."

Hope you guys enjoyed it, I welcome any comments or questions. If you want another story like this then head on over and read my WIP topic for my current project that is currently in the works.

Have to say I enjoyed this one a bit more than your first, and I feel others will too because its not too heavy on technical language. For the most part it is vastly more realistic than most hollywood movies. The radio etiquette is appropriate except for the 9-Line medevac, which is the format in which we request medevac, usually only requiring the first five lines.

Another potential flaw, depending on if I'm mistaken, is the second wound of the main character. If that was a DShk round that hit him in the leg, he more than likely would not have a leg there , glancing shot the damage would still be severe, enough to put him in shock at least. Thirdly, just a bit of advice on formatting dialogue, if you are not going to have any words in between characters going back and forth in a conversation, its easier for the reader and on the eyes if you separate the dialogue from each character by line.

"Hey you, this is me."

"Me, this is you."

Etc.

Still, I think you did excellent at making the characters and situation feel real, it almost feels as if they are based off of real people. I think this was fantastic, and am eagerly excited to see more work from you Matt.