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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. 963578843666749.3281.984305707
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 Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.

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HunterK

HunterK

Posts : 175
Join date : 2017-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Illinois

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Name: Marcus Coughlin
Faction: NCR
Level: 32

Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. EmptySat Mar 10, 2018 8:01 am

As a writer it's hard to write something you can live with, but this bit was conceived out of a dream, it is an INCREDIBLY rough draft, as I only wrote down what I immediately remembered from a dream that I had. A perfect apocalypse dream, but I'm not one for words anymore, so take it easy.

Spoiler:
 

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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. In_tyl10


Last edited by HunterK on Sun Mar 11, 2018 2:05 am; edited 1 time in total
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Dmitri2033

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Age : 24
Location : Death Star III

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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. EmptySat Mar 10, 2018 2:22 pm

What bit? Don’t see any bit...
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HunterK

HunterK

Posts : 175
Join date : 2017-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Illinois

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Name: Marcus Coughlin
Faction: NCR
Level: 32

Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. EmptySun Mar 11, 2018 2:02 am

Apologies, I thought that I posted with the description but I must have gotten side tracked. Editing now.

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Dmitri2033

Dmitri2033

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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. EmptySun Mar 11, 2018 10:54 pm

Off the TOP of my head, after reading till the 3rd paragraph after the flash forward, maybe split up the sentences with full stops? Some of them really are too Long, and sound like they would work with a full stop between them too. For example, “..., disease had obviously taken hold in all of them. They weren’t quite feral yet, but...”

And by boxed off would you happen to mean walled off? Like the survivors constructed a wall of some sort? Or is it sort of surrounded by other taller buildings in the area?

This is just what little I got from the first few paras or so. But it really does sound interesting! Can’t wait to read more!
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HunterK

HunterK

Posts : 175
Join date : 2017-04-15
Age : 23
Location : Illinois

Character sheet
Name: Marcus Coughlin
Faction: NCR
Level: 32

Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. EmptySun Mar 11, 2018 11:34 pm

Thanks for the input Dimitri! I'll be making some edits tonight, a lot of what's there was slapped onto the page just so the memory was still fresh, and to answer your question about "boxed off" versus "walled off" I actually meant to write "boxed in" sort of giving an image of, as you said, a complex surrounded by taller and somewhat connected buildings, almost like someone had accidentally made a natural atrium by building around a tight area.
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Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at.   Rough ROUGH draft of a "Novel" I'm chipping at. Empty

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